My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
