Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
