wanna go halves on a baby?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
