i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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