Just fell off a train. Bad.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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