I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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