Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
