i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
