note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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