but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
home. puking in laundry basket.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
