I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My dick has a subreddit
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
