if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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