what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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