Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
