here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
