BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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