I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
