its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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