i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize