Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
