Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
