toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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