HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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