yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize