I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
