We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
my shit smells like andre
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
