I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
