it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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