who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
