You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
