Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
