you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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