Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize