So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
