is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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