You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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