I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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