Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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