He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
