Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
