I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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