He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
