I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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