K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
How does it feel to date your dad?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
