Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
