Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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