I'm going to jail i love you
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
