He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
well you can't waste a boner
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize