clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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