I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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