I wannas sexs uuuuu
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
