I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
