i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Randomize