i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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