Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
