My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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