look no pants
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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