yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
