If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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