Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
