dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
