She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
