So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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