My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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