he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
