one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
