so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
