There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
