You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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